So Christmas normally comes early at my house because we see family that we wouldn’t normally see during the holiday season. We still like to open offerings on Christmas day but we get to open a few presents earlier in the week. I like to get things early for presents except this year I think I got jipped. For starters, let me tell you what I got my Great Aunt Gertrude for the festive time of year we call the Christmas season. I searched high and low for the perfect gift for my Great Aunt Gertrude because she is old and at any time now she could keel over like a damn tree. I bought for her these bead bracelets with these really cool Christmas beads.
These beads are no ordinary beads though. The bead bracelets that I purchased for my Great Aunt Gertrude were handmade. The beads were cast from old civil war bullets according to the guy I acquired them from. The bullets were melted down and forged into the beads that made up the intricate bead bracelets that my Great Aunt Gertrude now wears upon her wrinkly liver spotted wrist. Each of the three, yeah three, bead bracelets that I bought for my Great Aunt Gertrude dangle from that bony frame the beads jingling in laughter.
I shouldn’t be mad you say? Wait till you hear what she bought for me then you will see why I am upset. I mean, I got her these authentic civil war beads designed to look like trees, dogs and sleds! Bead bracelets like these are one in a million and she buys me the stingiest thing you would never ask for but always get from some joker in the family. I got from Great Aunt Gertrude the worst gift of all. I got Chap Stick. Yes, plain medicated Chap Stick; not even the flavored kind!
So as I hand her the authentic civil war bead bracelets with their Christmas themed beads, Great Aunt Gertrude hands me a little package. I thought at first it was maybe a ring or a gold coin or something of value that might have been that small. I would have settled for a gift card instead. I open this little packet and I get Chap Stick. Beads on bead bracelets in exchange for plain Chap Stick? What a joke.
It was then at that moment that I realized that I did not detest Christmas. The time for giving does not mean, give me Chap Stick that was questionably used. I was in the frame of mind for giving beads and bead bracelets to Great Aunt Gertrude. I was symbolizing the part of Christmas you only see in TV specials and Hollywood. I know that I do hate my Great Aunt Gertrude and that when the time comes to say goodbye over her casket I am giving her the Chap Stick back and maybe a used gum wrapper to go down with it.
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